I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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