She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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