Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
