Barsexuality is the new black.
worst night to have a conscience
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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