Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
