video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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