I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
