Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just googled if crying burns calories
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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