im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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