In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
