What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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