he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
