Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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