I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
