Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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