No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
