Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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