What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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