I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
