it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Come see our sink grown plant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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