Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
