i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
