i don't like sucking hair
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
