Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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