I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
