can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
