I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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