you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
