well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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