I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
