I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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