the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
