I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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