Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
