I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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