Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
