were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk is not a location!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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