oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
