and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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