im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
