He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I want is dick and wine.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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