it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
