I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
