quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
