new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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