Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
