I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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