Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
bring money and cleavage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
