tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
