hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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