fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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