I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
